|STAFF OF ELECTRIC
CITY - We are prepared to bring the complete force of our criminal enterprise
down upon you. We have infiltrated your computer systems and have weapons
trained on you 24 hours a day. One phone call is all it will take. What
we demand is extensive coverage for our crappy movie. We want far more
coverage than our pathetic, amateurish production deserves. Comply with
our demands or all hell will break loose. I held my graphic artist at gunpoint
and had him make a mock cover. I've read your "Rube Lomax" and know you
are hurting for good copy. Have your lackies write us up real nice like.
- Merv Schmendrick
So tell me about this movie, Ted.
Who's in the movie?
That's quite an ensemble. Any egos clashing on the set?
How long did it take to shoot?
Wow. That must really save you time in post ...
How long is the film?
What was your budget?
Where did you shoot?
Any crane shots?
Any off-camera romances?
Why did you make the movie?
Anything else you'd like to share?
Really? Is it credited?
Well gee, Ted, sounds like a decent movie you have there. Will you
please release Wendy and Alicia now?
That's what I thought.
|MERV SCHMENDRICK - CRIMINAL MASTERMIND
Schmendrick (Ted Geltner) has been connected to more than 150 heists, schemes and confidence games, of which three have been successful. To this date his life of crime has netted him $11.53 ... has developed an extensive network of criminal connections from his time in prison. In fact, he is known throughout the national prison system as "a complete moron" ... also a huge fan of the 1980s pop group Wham! ... never recovered emotionally from the breakup of Wham! ... did a 16-month stint in prison in the early '90s after stalking George Michael and assaulting him with a salad spinner ... enjoys the occasional malt liquor beverage.
BILLY BOB "BUTT KNUCKLE" SMITHJONES
- WEAPONS EXPERT
IRWIN MCSWEE - COMPUTER HACKER
MORTIMER "STAN" STANSFIELD III
- MASTER OF DISGUISE
DA BUM - CROWD CONTROL EXPERT
|Welcome to the Jungle
By: Rube Lomax 10/03/2002
In other local entertainment news, the locally produced film, Schmendrick's
Five had its premiere last Sunday evening at the glorious Diva Theatre.
More than 200 locals showed up to view the local master(bation)piece, whose
script was written by Scranton Times Saturday editor, Ted Geltner. The
comic adventure, brilliantly edited by the not-so-brilliant Eric Toffey,
and filmed by the devilish Rich Banick, lists as its stars their fellow
Scranton Times employees Chad Sebring, Ed Pikulski, Bob Urban, Dennis Draughon,
and Chris Kelly. Farley's Mike Stalter also had a plumb role, and I was
rolling in the Diva aisles as Mikey delivered the film's hilarious introduction.
Spotted walking the red carpet into the cinematic world premiere were
the likes of the Everhart Museum's Laurie Cadden Foley, sexy singers Tom
Graham and Joe Lawler (a.k.a Mr. Boogaloo); fickle photographers Angelo
Rose and Tim Butler; and my favorite married couple, Carrie and Chris Fick.
The film itself was a joy to behold ... I laughed, I cried, I made out
with Tom Graham when the lights went out ..... er, I mean, I wanted to
make out with Tom Graham but he fled as soon as he saw my outstreched lips
heading in his direction.
Oh well, his loss.
Anyhoots, the night turned out to be a hot time in downtown Scranton,
and because of the exuberant crowd in attendance, Diva head diva Paige
Balitski has decided to investigate the possibility of showing independent
films at least once a month at her digs.
For those of you who missed Schmendrick's Five this past Sunday, fear
not. It will also be featured in this year's Pennsylvania Film Festival,
which kicks off Oct. 16. See you there!
©Electric City 2002
Film Festival Provides Mix of Productions
BY PETER WYNNE THE SUNDAY TIMES 10/20/2002
The focus was on local and regional films and, when those six pieces weren't reflecting on life and institutions in Northeastern Pennsylvania, they typically turned to parody.
Catching up with the Pennsylvania Film Festival on Saturday was like stepping into a hall of mirrors.
"Schmendrick's Five" and "Secret Agent Bob" are probably best described as larks. The first was made a group of Times-Tribune staffers headed by Ted Geltner, Rich Banick and Eric Toffey. Geltner, as ex-con Melvin Schmendrick, is gathering a group of like-minded miscreants to take down "the machine." It's all in drolly bad taste, especially Toffey's in-drag performance as a phone-sex queen.
responces Name:†BIG FUNDate:†Oct, 21 2002 To understand Peter Wynne's review of "Scmendrick's Five", one would need a dictionary. Sometimes films are made purely for entertainment value. I witnessed this cinematic gem on the night of the premiere at The Diva Theater. It was well received. All who attended this event had a "drolly" good time. Furthermore, one should not describe Eric Toffey as a an "in-drag phone sex queen" unless they have witnessed, first-hand, his cross-dressing tendencies. Peter, if you liked "Schmendrick's Five", just say so. If you did not enjoy the smiles that these gentlemen provided moviegoers, just say so. Leave the obscure adjectives to the Websters. Thank You, BIG FUN Clarks Summit, PA